Wednesday, October 12, 2005
Why am I crying on my mum's birthday? ***** I felt terribly upset and pissed off when someone in my buddy list said to another that "Adam deleted liz coz she was of no use to him." If you were me, hearing another person say that of you, what would you do? Yes, I was extremely pissed at first. Then I was terribly upset and hurt. I felt like she was making Adam seem like such a jerk and then, making me look like such a stupid idiot. It seemed like I had just had sex with my boyfriend, gave him my virginity and he dumped me after that coz I was no longer chaste. Adam deleted so many people in his buddy list. Why did she pick me to tell stories of? She doesn't even know the full story of the situation in the first place. The guys just confronted her in the BL just now and though she apologised to me, I felt that it wasn't really sincere at all. To hear another girl speak that of you. It really sucks. I gave her a chance really. I remember that I told Jocelyn about her before. I remembered what Justin, Ming and the rest told me about her. I didn't want to believe it actually. It shocked me that she was this kinda person. After 2 whole weeks not playing MS and she changed so much. Although I didn't talk to her much after that, I just decided to give her a little bit more chance to change as JT said that they had talked to her on the MRT. Sigh. And to think that this happened. I was really blown away by it. You said you have your own problems to deal with. I have mine too. You're just so much luckier than me and you don't realise it. ***** It's my mum's birthday today. I woke up earlier than I should have, hoping that I could actually think of a place to bring my mum to go and to put a smile on her face. Eventually, my brother decided not to go anywhere for the whole day because he needed to study for his last paper tomorrow. I could sense some disappointment that my mum had. I knew that she was quite troubled by the fact that none of the ex-colleaguges remembered her birthday, although they promised to celebrate it for her, they never did. I know the bond that she has with them. I know that her heart was breaking when she tendered in her resignation. I know that she feels that she's so useless now. I know she hates having nothing to do at all. I know she loves to be busy. I know that she loved her job. I know that at the age of 46, she can't really find a job that easily anymore. But still, we all have hope and faith in our heart that she would find one soon. She's been through a few interviews and none have replied to her at the moment. When we were singing a birthday song to her I could feel her eyes water. I didn't want to tell her that I've spent almost $100 today, on the cake plus the pizza hut that I ordered. I didn't want to tell her that I have no more savings in my bank. I just don't want her to worry about me. I know that she's unhappy with my results and hope that I can do better and get into a university. I know that she was upset and broken hearted when I told her that I might not want to go to a uni afterall, but to venture into my own business. I know how much she is worrying for me because even though I'm the eldest in the family, I am still a baby to her. I know that she feels that I'm ignoring her, but really, I'm not. I just don't know what to talk to her about. I know that she knows that I'm angry with her for quitting her job and that there won't be much income coming in for our family. Although times are really bad now, Mum, I just want to tell you that I love you so much. No matter what, we must both be strong. I know that you can do it. Although you might say that you're old, you're forever talented in my heart. Don't ever doubt the talents that you have and possess. I'm sure that you'll be able to find a boss who will see the potential in you, just like how Bill did. :) I love you mum. Happy Birthday to you. :) P/S: Sorry for not being able to give you a proper surprise on your birthday. I love you lots. :) Thanks for standing by me through ups and downs.
detests.
