For so long I've always hoped that one day, I'll be able to go out and meet these online friends of mine that I've known so well and interacted with in the game. It's still my wish now really. But I don't know if I can actually muster up the courage to do that. The past still haunts me down. I'm afraid of the consequences once we meet. Will they shun me upon knowing how ugly I am and that I'm not living up to their expectations of how I should look? For so many times I've told myself that I must have the confidence to go out there and face the world. Although that is a constant reminder in my head, I still have very low self-esteem and insecurity in myself. I feel that people are talking behind my back, laughing at me etc. They say that time heals all wounds. Seriously, I don't know when mine would be healed. I still hate that guy for doing that to me in the past. I really do. But what's done is done and the hurt will still be there. Until the hurt is gone and the courage appears, would I then be able to go out, face the world and embrace it with my heart. For now, please forgive me for not being able to have the courage to meet you guys as much as I would love to. There are so many obstacles within myself that I need to face and overcome. You might assure me that the consequence would not be there. But, I would not be fooled. I need more time for this hurt and fear to go away in me. I really do.

doodled, at 9/15/2005 05:40:00 PM